The Society of Dish Cleaners
“Hello, I am recording interviews for a class project.”
“You are asking me out of all of these other people here.”
“Yes, I need to email this before midnight.”
“Will I sound like some idiot?”
“I will make you sound smart.”
“What is that plastic?”
“Oh, this is a voice recorder. Click! The Internet will know everything that we say.”
“Wait!”
“Professor is going to give me an I for ignoramus. Help me, please. Hello, future students! Today I am talking with an undergraduate student. Could you describe how this college is helping you with finding a job?”
“I am working at the Dish Diner as a Dish Cleaner. The professors are doing a great job with figuring out what students want to do with their lives.”
“What are you studying?”
“I am a Dish Cleaning major in the DC Department. The advisors are pointing out potential career opportunities for me.”
“What can you do with this major?”
“You can clean dishes as a career. Most people assume that DC majors wash plates and bowls. In fact, you can work at a dish museum. Most importantly, you can join the Society of Dish Cleaners, the SDC, where experts demonstrate their best products sold on the market today. Professionals use a top secret ingredient that you cannot put under a microscope.”
“What is this ingredient?”
“Ten tons of cow fat. Welcome to the SDC.”
“You can put cow fat under a microscope…wait, what?”
“You must join us, for I told you the secret ingredient to all cleaning products. Fifty witnesses in the surrounding area know it. You could risk exposing it with that plastic piece. The group leaders spent years preparing for transportation, vanity dishes, and guests. I do not want a random person to ruin everything that we worked on. You sneaked into a private party. Why are you walking into the forest next to campus? I cannot believe the things that people do for a good story. Restrain him!”
“Let me go! I have to turn in this interview for a grade!”
Reggie Kwok graduated from University of Umass Amherst with a B.A. in English. In his spare time, he likes to play video games and sing. You can find him at @Boblankin on Twitter.
