Condolence for a Cad
“Mary, I was so sorry to hear about your husband’s passing.”
“Save your sympathy, Helen. George didn’t deserve it.”
“Oh Mary, why would you say something like that?”
“You know he only married me because I was pregnant. He was never faithful and chased everything in a skirt. Hell, he died screwin’ Loretta Campanelli. You know, Tony the Barber’s wife.”
“I thought George was hit by a car.”
“Yes, but that happened because he was in bed with Loretta one day and Tony came home early. George went out the bedroom window and fell off the porch roof. He must’ve had a concussion or somethin’ because he got up and staggered out into the street where the car hit him.”
“Where did you hear that?”
“Loretta had a guilty conscience and called me one night after the funeral. I think she’d been drinking. She told me the whole story and asked for my forgiveness.”
“What did ya say to her?”
“I told her that George had gonorrhea, and if she started getting a different kind’a itch between her legs, she should get it checked out. That wasn’t true, but she hung up right away, and I would’ve loved to’ve seen the expression on her face.”
“Good for you! … Well, Mary, now it’s kind of awkward, but the reason I called was to see if you’d be interested in going to the craft show with me and some of the women from the Junior League. Unfortunately, one of the women is Loretta Campanelli, so I suspect that you might not want to come along.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, Helen, but you’re right. I think I’ll pass. Please be sure to give Loretta my regards.”
“Oh, yes. I’ll tell her that you were concerned about her health and ask if she’s having any problems. That should make her squirm”
“Probably more than George ever did.”
“You’re terrible. I’m glad that you seem to be doing so well. We’ll have to have lunch sometime.”
“Love to.”
Michael J. Moran is a retired university professor living in Alabama. Having left behind the writing of scientific articles and text books, he now writes short stories and flash fiction reflecting the people and culture of the anthracite coal region of Northeastern Pennsylvania where he was raised.
Picture copyrighted by Brisbane Times.
