Sexual Harassment Improvement Training Module #8
“Please tap the screen to go to the next module.”
“Go fuck yourself.”
“Module 8. In this brief module we will introduce you to Meghan, an unemployed Document Design Specialist that we will ask you a series of questions about.”
“About whom we will ask a series of questions. Stupid machine. W-H-O-M, enter.”
“Invalid response. Please restate your response, or type ‘Y’ to continue.”
“Y.”
“Here is a video of Meghan. Please use the keyboard to record your impressions of her.”
“She’s watching television. She’s . . . she’s heating a microwave dinner.”
“Please use the keyboard to record your impressions of her. For example: Do you think she’s pretty?”
“Her appearance is irrelevant. I-R-R-E-L-E-V-A-N-T, enter.”
“Would Meghan’s document design add value to your organization?”
“I seriously doubt it.”
“Would you like to see samples of Meghan’s document design before hiring her to be a document designer? Please type your response.”
“F-U-C-K space Y-O-U, enter.”
“Thank you for your response. Do you understand that Meghan has added the letter ‘H’ to her name to subliminally emphasize the heft of her breasts?”
“W-T-F!?, enter.”
“Would you like to see a photograph of Meghan’s breasts before hiring her? Type ‘Y’ for yes, ‘N’ for no.”
“This is entrapment. N, enter.”
“If Meghan wore a low-cut blouse during her interview, would you stare at her cleavage?”
“What is this bullshit? This is all bullshit. B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T, period, enter.”
“Invalid response. Please type your response again.”
“Y, enter. . . . No, wait! I mean N! N N N N N N!!!! enter.”
“Thank you for your response. You have now completed Module Eight.”
“Wait! I want to change my answer!”
“Thank you for participating in Sexual Harassment Improvement Training.”
“Is there anybody on the other end of this thing? Are you a real person?”
“Your test results may or may not be available at an indeterminate time in the future.”
Luke Whisnant is the author of Watching TV with the Red Chinese (novel), Down in the Flood (stories), and two poetry chapbooks, Street and Above Floodstage (forthcoming). His work has appeared in Esquire, Arts & Letters, American Short Fiction, Poetry East, Quick Fiction, and others, and has been reprinted three times in New Stories from the South: The Year’s Best. In 2011 his novel was made into an independent film by director Shimon Dotan.
