Gas Posthaste
- May 4, 2016
- 2 min read
“Welcome to Gas Posthaste. Please swipe your card.”
—
“Will this be debit or credit?”
“Debit.“
“Select grade.”
“87.“
“Would you like a car wash?”
“No.“
“Have you had a Sloppy Orange Smush today?”
“No.“
“Would you like one? Now only $.99 for 128 ounces of frosty deliciousness.”
“No.“
“Are you sure? They’re nice and cold.”
“I’m sure.“
“Hey, wasn’t yesterday the election?”
“Yes.“
“Did you vote?”
“Yes.“
“That’s good. Did a gas pump run?”
“No.“
“You probably wouldn’t vote for a gas pump anyway. They’d probably be Republican.”
—
“You know, they’d probably launch a war or something to get more gas.”
—
“You don’t look like a Republican.”
“I’m not.“
“I can tell. You drive a Toyota Yaris. Hey, I forget, did you want one of those Sloppy Orange things? I can probably get you one for, like, 50 cents or something?”
“No.“
“OK, but you’re missing out.”
—
“I feel like I’m doing all the work in this conversation.”
—
“Like right there for example.”
“What?“
“Don’t you care about me?”
“Sure I do.“
“You think I don’t see you looking at your phone? I spend three minutes with you and you can’t stop Facebooking.”
“It’s not Facebook. It’s a work thing.“
“Oh, it’s a work thing. Every week you come here and you push ’87,’ and I give you 89, because I like you. Now here you are, seven at night, bringing your office to my doorstep, and you can’t even look at me.”
“I’m sorry.“
“Have you been getting your gas somewhere else? You only need half a tank. I knew this would happen. I’m not enough to satisfy you.”
“No, it’s not like that. I’ve been carpooling lately.“
—
“Really. I only get gas from you.“
“I just get so lonely.”
“It’s OK. You’re under a lot of pressure right now, what with the market volatility.“
“You’re sweet.”
“I’ll be more responsive to your feelings.“
“Thanks.”
—
“Car wash?”
“Yes.“
“Wax?”
“No.“
“Wax?”
“Yes.“
“Would you like to try a Sloppy Orange Smush today?”
“Yes.“
“Wait – Would you like a receipt?”
“No.“
“Wait – Welcome to Gas Posthaste. Please swipe your card.”
Ben Hogwood is an adjunct community college instructor in Eastern North Carolina. His fiction has been published in Monkeybicycle and Four Chambers Press.
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