Voitex's Poison
“Why do you call it poison and only make batches on April 1st, Voitex?”
“Grandmother Voitex started name. Everyone continue to call it poison afterward. You can’t make something called ‘Voitex’s Poison’ and expect people to eat it in fun unless they know the name for joke, so I only prepare dip in kitchen on official Fool’s Day.”
“I miss it a lot. It was my favorite food while I stayed in Czech.”
“Glad you call. Kitchen no fun without you, my friend. How college is?”
“Great! Voitex, I want to chitchat, but I only have a few minutes before my next class. My stomach was growling and I thought, ‘I really miss that dip.’ Guess because it’s April Fool’s Day and all.”
“It good, no? Michezh had ulcer when he try some. Ha, ha, ha. He fooled good. You though, I remember when you eat Voitex’s Poison and ask Voitex for more. I will never bet against you, Boy.”
“Voitex, I know it’s a family dish and only prepared in your restaurant, but could I have the recipe too?”
“To be honest, everyone know how to make this recipe in Czechoslovakia. It started with Voitex family, but it spread since. So you could have asked for poison dip anywhere. Voitex joke with you before. I fool you. I fool you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Boy, here how you make dip. You need beans with no bacon, whole sweet onion, four sweet tomato, green pepper, red pepper, orange pepper.”
“Got it.”
“You want four egg stirred in beans. Get unsalted peanuts, two packet of sweetener, and real garlic, which you chop up together with other vegetable. Add chicken if need meat. I prefer peppered Polish sausage.”
“I’m confused. What gave Michezh the ulcer?”
“That not everything. You need black pepper seed, a special Czech pepper. You might not get black pepper seed now that you in States, but you try. Try hard, Boy. If no luck then find habanero pepper, Serrano pepper, sliced canned jalapeño and use nectar from can for extra flavor. Add three tablespoons of chili powder and Voitex favorite Red Savina pepper, which is ranked hottest pepper in world. Mix everything in big pot, and there’s Voitex’s April Fool’s Day Poison recipe. I also add pepper jack cheese. No one else do that.”
“Now I see why it’s called poison.”
“And at that note, I wish you a fun-filled April Fool’s Day, my friend.”
BAM graduated with a degree in English, and has published many forms of writing. Some of his work is in Bartleby Snopes Literary Journal, This Very Breath Journal, Antiphon Magazine, and Ishaan Literary Review. Recently, he was a finalist in the WLT Manuscript Competition. For more, like his page:
Bertram "Allan" Mullin
Photo courtesy of mysticalis from deviantart.
