Returns
"This is the returns department?"
"That's what it says on the sign on the wall behind me, so I guess that's what it is."
"Well then, I have a return."
"Looks like you've come to the right place."
"Right. Well, here it is. I'd like to return this."
"Why?"
"What you mean, why? I just want to return it is all."
"We have to know why. Something wrong with it?"
"Wrong? No, no. Look, I didn't even try it on, okay? I just want to return it."
"I have a form here that has a box for reason. I have to put something in here, can't leave it blank. Can't return anything without a proper filled out form."
"Reason? All right, then. It didn't fit."
"Didn't fit?"
"That's right, it didn't fit."
"How'd you know that?"
"What you mean?"
"How did you know it didn't fit if you never tried it on like you said before is what I mean."
"I forgot. I tried it on, but only once, and it didn't fit."
"You sure about that? Don't want to change your story again?"
"No, no. I'm sure. It didn't fit. Too long or thin or something. Kept poking me in the back. Besides, it was a gift from the misses, and this really isn't my cup of tea. Know what I mean? She's always pushing stuff like this on me."
"I have no idea what you mean. First you tell me one story, then you tell me another. Now you're blaming your wife."
"Blaming? Look, I didn't want to make any trouble. I just wanted to return the damned thing. I
have no use for it."
"Damned? Did you say damned? You didn't mention that. You said it was in working order. I
don't think we can accept returns on a soul that's been damned."
"Oh for the love of God."
"No, I don't think we'll have to take things that far up the chain, but we'll see. Wait here. I have
to talk to my manager."
Matthew Woolums became addicted to writing as a child. His day job as a teacher supports his wife, three children, and assorted pets. His writing can be found in The Shine Journal and that one short story in a campus publication, which hardly counts seeing as there is no surviving copy of the original. Check out his current ramblings on his blog: http://mwoolums.wordpress.com.
